I'm not a native Seattleite. I grew up in Oregon, pulling for the Ducks, the Raiders and the Trailblazers. Still, over more than a decade of living up here, I've adopted the Mariners and, since the Seahawks were removed from the AFC West like an unwanted polyp and are no longer caught in a zero-sum competition with my Raiders, I've adopted them as my favorite team in the NFC. I developed a fondness for the Sonics. I'm first and always a Duck, but I like pulling for the Cougars when I have a chance, and I've even found myself in recent years somewhat wanting the Huskies to win. (This upcoming weekend, for instance, I'd love to see them beat Notre Dame.) The Huskies always lose, of course, bless their hearts, but still.
Point of all of this is that I've had ringside seats at the most spectacular state-wide sporting collapse in World History. Let's go team by team, starting with the bowl games in January. Well, no, we can't start there, because there weren't any. So let's move on to the NBA. The Sonics were designed to be terrible, so that the city would fall out of love with them and let some hucksters from Oklahoma move them, and they were bad, all right. They went 20-62, the second-worst record in the league; only managed to get the fourth pick, though. Not that it mattered; come late spring, the Oklahomans up and took them to Tulsa. Packed up in the moving van? Seattle's lone professional sports trophy, from 1977. Bye!
The Mariners, with a stong starting rotation and tough bullpen, were supposed to compete for the AL West. Didn't work out. They fired their general manager, their manager, and lots of other people, including Richie Sexson; all to no avail. Their pitching was pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as their hitting. Ultimately, they took their place as the first baseball team in history to spend $100 million and lose more than 100 games; they sucked so much that when you needed them to suck, they stopped sucking: they actually *won* their last three games, allowing the Nationals to ride a tremendous losing streak to the highly coveted top draft pick, RHP Stephen Strasburg. (And, just to rub salt in the wound, there's that new team the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series we'd like to get to someday!)
So, bring on autumn, right? The Huskies were supposed to build on the (very) incremental successes of the last few years, and the Cougars were fired up about their new "lunch pail & hardhat" culture espoused by new coach Paul "My Color is Crimson" Wulff. Well, for their part, the Huskies haven't won a game in six tries and, in the worst-kept secret in sports, coach Willingham has been fired. Only, embarrassingly, he hasn't been told this, just everyone else has. There he is on gamedays, pacing the sidelines, and (one of my favorite of his peculiarities) talking about how "emotion. is. vital. in. the. game. of. football." And everyone kind of goes along with it, calling him "coach" and everything. Then there are the Cougars. They beat I-AA Portland State, but they've lost the other seven games they've played. It's not just the losing, in their case: they have surrendered 292 points in five conference games. Honestly, you've got to stop for a second and do the math in your head: 292 points in five games.
Still, Washington college football expectations were always a bit muted heading into autumn. The only thing that people here could credibly count on was another deep run by the four-time NFC West Champion Seahawks. They had gotten rid of that layabout Shaun Alexander, who was understood by all to be the real cause of their problems. Mike Holmgren was primed to make the best of his final year at the controls. Matt Hasselback was in his prime, backed up by a ferocious defense featuring four all-pros (Julian Peterson, Lofa Tatupu, Patrick Kerney, and Marcus Trufaunt). But, of course, here they are coming off another awful loss at Tampa Bay with a 1-5 record. Hasselback is out; the wide receiving corps is a mess; the defense inexplicably sucks. They can't win at home, and they certainly can't win on the road. It's over for the Seahawks, and it's not even Halloween yet.
For sheer sports futility, Chicago and San Diego and all the other whiners ought to zip it. Seattle loses better than any city in America.
Standings after week seven (pending doublechecking):
Mosieur Bruce 10 70
Peck Adam 11 70
McCarthy Mike 9 67
Alexander Mary 8 66
Wolken Kurt 8 66
Alexander Mike 8 65
Doddington George 8 65
Peak Betty 7 65
Garris Maxx 10 64
Peck Jim 7 64
Doddington Lana 8 63
Frejdh Lars 8 63
Wilkens Bruce 8 60
Russnogle Scott 7 58
Shawber Alison 7 58
Cochrane Josh 6 57
Sachet Dominic 7 57
Bowser Eric 6 55
Stewart Bob 5 55
